Kurt Cobain's Suicide Note

I found this online; the text of Kurt Cobain's suicide note. You may find it interesting to see this as a bit of a reflection of the mind of the late great grunge rock pioneer. I don't intend to harm his memory but honour it. The original analyses can be found here.   

"To Boddah 

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone.
I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby!  I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.

Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.

For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!"

- Kurt Donald Cobain: 1967 - 1994

A Mask of Comfort

 Hiding behind a comfort mask of a cartoon image will NOT save a helpless child or woman against violence and abuse.

A recent Facebook trend has become more popular than I thought it would. Thousands of online users have changed their profile pictures to that of a favourite childhood cartoon with the idea that this will somehow curb violence against women and children. While this seems to be a 'cute' and fun idea for Facebook user's who feel the need to speak up, let me be the first to tell you how futile and pathetic this is. 

The "16 Days of Activism Against Abuse Campaign" is a great initiative and effective, why? Because it actually does something proactive. If you follow the link you will find an abundance of information and helpful guides as to how one can actually become involved in the initiative. Making an alteration to your profile on a social networking website does anything but involve one in any way, shape, or form of a campaign against abuse. The word "social" does not exactly say "I am saving a child every time I log on to Facebook"; it says "I  will feel better about myself by changing my picture to childhood related symbol". After all, some pictures remain the same.

Sheep and A Million Dollar Question

Watch them, white fluffy balls of wool on legs, floating around like grounded clouds grazing about without a care in the world. Ovis aries, a fairly narrow minded creature infamous for its ‘conformist’ tendencies; a reputation which has given rise to popular metaphorical jokes and societal critique. Believe me, this is no different. The content in this piece of emotion has been brewing in my head for months, held back by the lack of inspiration and the hesitation to put it all into words.

Ancient Sumerians may have seen sheep in some form of a divine existence. This was probably interpreted through their reliance on meat, wool, and milk, which came in abundance from the woolly mammal. Strangely enough this fallacy seems abundant in modern beliefs with the exception of a slight role change. Someone may just find comfort in knowing that they are part of a larger purpose, creating a blindfold of security to the eternal mystery of the universe. Just as a sheep will at random follow a flock of ignorant wanderers, humans will conform to sub-culture in the name of myth, morality, and superstition. Conformists, rolling their eyes in light of thought patterns like this, have often debated the existence of an afterlife with me. Tied into this deliberation is the condemnation I have experienced by those who seem to experience some divine right of judgement. I have had countless conversations that started with “you could die tomorrow…” which brings me to my million dollar question: what gives anyone the right to create a pedestal above another based on a fictitious understanding of life?

It doesn’t matter what you believe, just as long as your understanding of another person is never spiritually motivated to a point of superiority. Its well after midnight so I guess a case of caffeine induced insomnia spurred on this painting of emotion. Some sleep will do me good. Shall we count some sheep then?    

To Click or Not To Click

Unfortunately my cell number, being an old one, has somehow and somewhere been added to some miser’s marketing database, or so I assume. I have recently been bombarded with some really provocative advertising sms messages, just to give you an example:

“re: Sophias filthy vids attached.” Web-link attached

“Got a new showerhead, the detachable kind. The pressures awesome” Web-link attached

Honestly I cannot help but smile. Who needs to search for ‘nothing mom’ videos when they come knocking at my door! According to an American internet security company, Optenet, almost 40% of the internet is occupied by pornography. Here’s a little experiment: Google the word “porn”. After doing so you should come up with at least 185 000 000 results in under a second, now that’s a lot of skin!

Excuse the pun in my asking, but what drives us to become so lustfully involved with raunchy fantasies and wild thoughts of perversion? Before answering that let’s probe (excuse the pun once again) a few considerations:
• We are all part of a sexual nature; don’t try to run away from it.
• Human autonomy does mean that people have different ‘interests’.
• Curiosity killed the cat but it got little boys in trouble, despite it being a normal human emotion.
• Pornography isn’t going anywhere so stop avoiding the topic, there’s nothing wrong with discussion.

Perhaps the primitive instincts that parallel evolution feed our curiosity to explore an otherwise ‘darker side’ of the Self. Perhaps our drive to even create pornography resulted from eons of suppression of sexual instinct, considering the need for certain social status and acceptability. Perhaps so called ‘sins of the flesh’ entice us more because of its growing abundance.

So I bring you back to my old dilemma; to click or not to click. “Sophias filthy vids” are a simple web-link away after all, but something holds a person back. Despite my lack of interest I think I am informed enough to know that spam = viruses (once again, excuse the pun) and more spam. Not to mention a severe possibility of embarrassment, nobody likes getting caught with their pants down…shall I ask for another excuse?