I woke up one morning at exactly 05:55 AM in tears and lying in a cold sweat of my own panic. Struggling to suck in some air I gripped my chest to feel that my heart rate had increased to an abnormally frightening pace.
I don’t often experience dreams, mostly because of my erratic sleeping behaviour. On the odd occasion that my awareness does decide to tap into the grey energies of my soul the outcomes are generally the same; nightmarish visions. My dark fascination and fear of the existence of supernatural energy seems to come through in sleeping patterns, and it goes without saying that an unjustified power over my sanity creeps in. What baffles me about recurring nightmares is that a lot of the time in an altered state of consciousness I am aware of my sleeping body. This has been called lucid dreaming and supposedly gives one the power to control and manipulate the environment in that state of mind. Well if that is the case, give me the power to wake up and I take responsibility gladly!
During the early hours of the morning on the 14th of July 2010:
Imagine a classic scenario of good versus evil, think of the possibilities of a dark force attempting to take control of your body, close your eyes and dream of the struggles that any normal person would have with the idea of this materialising. Well this seemed to be the case at the start of my three part hell-fest. All this time during my “battle” with supernatural fears in my psyche, a small comforting angel voice in the back of mind whispered; “wake up Phil, you’re just dreaming”, to no avail though as it all continued for what seemed like eons. Smaller details seem to stick with my memories of that night; I noticed at 00:45 lights starting to flicker, the shower’s taps opening, my mother present in the dream burning her left hand under the tap, and hearing the strange yet distinct sounds of the left garage door about 50 meters away opening and closing. This probably sounds like a classic case of paranormal, over told, psychedelic bull – shit for any critic, understandable, but stop for a second and think of how vivid and symbolic these trance-like experiences are. Once you realise the level arbitrary terror and surrealism that one actually lives through during dreams and nightmares, can you not be open to the idea that all of what we know about the human condition remains a dark mystery to science? As a cherry full of bludgeoned terror on top I watched, in my dream state, my own mother break into a evil fit of panic. A symbol of love, kindness, and safety in anyone’s life was biting and scratching at her son pleading for whatever it was that had possessed her to stop!
Upon waking up to the uncomfortable comfort of my bed I took a few minutes to make sense of what had just happened. It never is pleasant waking up under abnormal circumstances because it takes your mind, body and spirit some time to adjust to the reality that what you have just seen and felt is in actual fact some form of an illusion. For the times that I have woken up to this type of experience, there was enough emotional trauma to know that something wasn’t right. Hell if anything I felt comfortable in the fact that the maybe universe was trying tell me something; expressing it through the dark energies that we bury deep in our façade of existence. Take it how you want, but just remember that maybe there is much more about our interconnectedness with all universal energy and matter than we know, and for some reason our sub-conscious expression comes through about how twisted reality is. For now I’ll continue living by the idea that we are afraid of what we don’t understand. How about another coffee?
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